Intro
It’s been nearly 4 years since I wrote the original Runbook, so time for a little update. You can find the original one here https://blog.xetk.co.uk/2017/11/07/runbook-to-tom/
First off I want to thank everyone who read the first version and gave really humbling feedback. I know it helped a lot of people to understand the way I am and also gave people an understanding of those with Autistic Spectrum Condition (ASC). It has also inspired a few people to release there own versions too, which I’ve had the good fortune to read.
Societally wise I feel we have made a big leap forward in the couple of years since I wrote the first Runbook,
We now have much more openness towards people with ASC. There are now two fairly prominent public personalities with ASC in the worlds view: Greta Thunberg & Elon Musk, both of whom are polarising individuals but use their ASC to strong effect.
Changes since Runbook v1
Job
In September 2018 I left the BBC to join the Government Digital Service (GDS), this has been a positive move for the most part, if not a bit traumatic at the start due to the inevitable pain of big moves, change and the elevated effects it can have on a person with ASC. The move was made easier by the fact that GDS wanted to welcome and embrace people with disabilities and those that think differently. Below is a picture of the Archie comic I featured in the last version of the Runbook, it was already up on the wall of one of the GDS kitchen’s when I started there.
Over the past nearly 3 years GDS has been very supportive of my condition and for 2 of those years I have worked part time to help with the general fatigue and stress that is caused by day to day life.
Relationship
Since the last Runbook I am no longer single and engaged to a lovely gentleman called Joseph. Joseph has been a great companion in the 2 and a half years since we met, he is great at helping with day to day things and dealing with the weird things that ASC can throw up (mostly the meltdowns).
Additions
Good
Working From Home
For me working from home has been great, no need to stress about the commute each morning and afternoon which was always a massive time and energy sink, on the bad days just the act of commuting to the office would be enough to use all the useful social energy I needed to be useful at work.
One of the negative sides though can be it can be quite difficult to converse in the ways that used to work great in the office, e.g rolling over to a colleagues desk to ask a question vs sending a question in slack that isn’t responded to for a long time.
It does have other downsides to which I will cover in the ‘less good’ section, but overall it has been a great improvement to my day to day life.
Woody
The other addition is Josephs working Guide dog Woody, Since we have moved to working from home Woody now has two jobs, first and foremost being Josephs guide dog, but also being my emotional support companion, which he is very good at, he spends a great deal of the day curled up next to me while I work and coming over for cuddles every so often. He has been a great help during theses turbulant times.
Less Good
Mental Health
The following sections are on a similar thread, they are all closely joined to mental health, and there is definitely an overlap between the various conditions, they all fuel each other in a odd and alarming way.
Inner Critic
Its become quite apparent in the last few years that my brain is very good at bullying its self and even better at convincing me things are true are not true and the vise versa.
One of its main things it likes todo is tell me that im useless, and everyone hates me, this one is a constant uphill battle of trying to challenge the thoughts. I even have a sticker on my laptop to remind me to question what my brain is telling me.
Burnout
With all this extra load and energy its sometimes becomes to much to remaining able to ‘care’ about things and this results in burnout where there is just no want or motivation to continue.
This is sometimes due to the fact I don’t know my own limits and am very bad at just taking way to much on.
Anxiety
Yep Anxiety still is a thing and its still terrible, I’ve got much better at being proactive at targeting where the random spells of anxiety come from but it still likes to creep in and reek havoc.
Anxiety likes to blow everything out of proportion and inflate the other things to a point where my brain feels like its going to explode.
One other side effect of the Anxiety is that i really struggle to sit still, I always have to be doing something. This means I am unable to relax which then fuels the other conditions.
Panic
One new thing i’ve learnt in the last couple of years is my ability to handle working under extreme pressure, luckily it is not something that happens in my day job. But I have found in interviews and other situations where I am being graded and have to make decisions under pressure it is just to much. Ultimately leading to my brain not being able to process anything and usually a massive meltdown / anxiety attack.
Concentration
I touched on this before in the last version of the runbook, but I feel it has changed a bit since last time. One of the things I have come to realise in the last year is that my concentrations is absolutely awful.
Every task at the moment I seem to get distracted from easily, be it something im interested in or not. I’m not joking when i say just writing this section i’ve been distracted 5 times by trivial stuff, instant messengers are the worst and I wish I could escape them…
This ultimately ends up causing me a great deal of anxiety and extra effort to do a task, my instinct is that this is something caused by the stress of living through Covid.
Deprecation
Spoons
This was the point I got the most questions about in the first runbook, it seems to be a hard concept for a lot of people to grasp. Realistically I’ve stopped using it as a gauge for how much energy I have day to day.
Not as preferred but we just go with a word scale nowadays.
Areas of interest
An area of interest of mine that has been rekindled since writing the last version of the runbook, When I was a kid I was very heavily interested in Cars and was very much my special interest, my parents used to always joke about how I could see the smallest part of a car an be able to identify which one it is.
Tinkering with my cars has become a new outlet for me, and helps me unwind and express my creativity. At the moment I have the Skoda Octavia VRS mk2, and a BMW 325ci e46, the BMW being the money pit out of the two.
Finally
Finally I want to thank you for reading this updated version, if you want to message me to ask questions about the runbooks please email me at runbook@xetk.co.uk